How We Can All Feel Better About Ourselves in 5 Easy Steps

In today’s world we are always looking for ways on how we can feel better about ourselves!

I know everyone is familiar with the word compassion and the emotional response you can feel after hearing a story of how someone you love and care for has had a real stroke of bad luck or just been diagnosed with a serious illness. Your heart breaks, you get that deep feeling of despair in the pit of your stomach and you begin playing different scenarios through your mind as you look for how you can help her or him feel better.

The word compassion originates from the Latin language meaning “to love together with” and it is seen as being a strong virtue in numerous philosophies as well as in many religious traditions. In being compassionate, we open ourselves up and offer our support, knowing that it will help in the healing and growth of the person we are giving it to.

None of us like to see another person suffer.

While many of us may be comfortable in being there for others in a time of need, have you ever wondered how this translates into being there for yourself when you are going through a difficult time? This is called self-compassion.

What Does Self-Compassion Mean?

Self-Compassion is when we move from an external focus to more of an internal focus on ourselves when we are experiencing feelings of failure, inadequacy or general suffering. Are we being as warm and kindhearted to ourselves as we are to others when we are dealing with inner turmoil? Or are we more apt to pass judgment on ourselves?

Let’s face it, everybody hurts, even if it may not be obvious or we are deliberate in not letting it show.

Sometimes it may be in offering support to another that we may come to the realization that we too have areas that we are struggling with that need to be addressed.

Being compassionate towards yourself isn’t about having a pity party for one. It’s more about being able to find the right balance and stepping back from what it is you are struggling with, allowing you to take on a larger and more objective perspective on it. It’s recognizing that your health and happiness are at stake and becoming aware that by making a few changes, you have a much higher chance of reaching your full potential in life.

Are you showing enough compassion to yourself?

Below are five ways you can incorporate self-compassion into regular practice. Keep in mind it’s progress not perfection!

While I have instilled these practices into my life to help me in feeling better about myself when things weren’t going well, I still find on the odd day I can slip up and can catch myself saying a not so positive comment. A comment that I would not want to say to anyone else! Since sustaining a traumatic brain injury in 2001, I have learned the hard way just how important self-compassion is. By listening to myself more fully I’m able to be more in tune with what is really happening inside at the moment. In doing so I’m able to stop myself from going to the past and listening to a negative story in my head that keeps playing over and over.

1) Watch the words you are saying to yourself. We will all experience moments in life where things may not have gone as planned and we walk away from it feeling the pain of having failed. This can sometimes trigger negative self-talk. Imagine if a friend or family member came to you after failing at something and ask yourself how you would respond to them? Now say those same kind and gentle words to yourself. Let’s not stop ourselves in our tracks from feeling better about ourselves!

2) In many cases actions speak louder than words and this is no different when it comes to your internal dialogue. It’s a known fact that kind, soothing physical gestures can have an immediate positive effect on the body. I’m sure you can recall moments when you were feeling down and out just how your spirits were lifted when a loved one placed their hand on your hand or across your shoulders at the moment you needed it the most. Words didn’t need to be spoken! The next time you find yourself feeling down on yourself, give yourself a full hug with both hands wrapped tightly around your shoulders and upper arms. I swear this releases the same level of oxytocin as you’d get from being on the receiving end of a hug as it brings your anxiety and stress levels down.

3) I am a big fan of daily meditation and have been practicing this for many years. It lowers the noise level in my head and the negative self-talk that can come with this, bringing me to a state of deeper awareness and relaxation. This allows me to be one with my body and pick up if anything is off that needs to be adjusted. Meditation can have a very positive impact on the body, mind and spirit.  If you have an interest in meditation but aren’t sure where to begin, guided meditation may be a good starting point. Oprah and Deepak Chopra are kicking off their next 21 Day Meditation Experience and you can register for free.  I have already signed up.

4) Create a caring space inside of you that is free from judgment. We have all experienced moments of pain and feelings of failure or shame in our lives at one point or another, I know I have. When you recognize those feelings, respond by opening your mind and heart to viewing yourself with kindness and compassion. Life isn’t perfect and neither are we. While we cannot change the past and what has happened, we can make choices to make sure that the pain of yesterday doesn’t stay with us and become a reality of our future.

5) Finding forgiveness for our own actions can sometimes play a very important part in being more compassionate towards ourselves. When looking at how your actions impacted another you may feel a deep sense of remorse and regret. Take the time to acknowledge the fact that we are all human and we can all make mistakes. Now may be a good time to explore further to see if there were other factors that may have contributed to this (i.e. you were extremely stressed and lost your cool when speaking to someone). I struggled with this myself at one time and found this book to be very helpful.

Studies have shown that individuals with a higher degree of self compassion experience a greater sense of well being, happiness, optimism and emotional resilience, compared to those with a lower level who experienced higher levels of anxiety, depression and self-criticism.

We are all looking for ways we can feel better about ourselves and with these tips you should be well on your way to treating yourself with the kindness you deserve!

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