Did you know that the word “authentic” shares the same root as the word “author?” When we are authentic we become the author of our own story. Wouldn’t we all like to be the author of our own story!
We know ourselves better than anyone else and I’m sure many of us would like to believe that each day we show up mirroring on the outside exactly what is on the inside. The reality is many of us do not. I became a master at this and in all honesty it wasn’t too hard to pull it off. Initially.
We all experience unpleasant events in our lives that can leave a lasting mark on us.
These could include dealing with the loss of a loved one, losing a job in a tight labor market, being diagnosed with a serious illness or experiencing a traumatic event. It may even be something that you experienced in your childhood and you are still harbouring the pain deep down inside of you.
While these events can be extremely trying in the moment, we are usually able to find the inner strength to deal with the circumstances to the best of our ability in order to survive. As time passes, we get back into the rhythm of life and the event becomes a memory of the past. The emotional patterns that we developed to help us during this time can remain quite strong though.
We live in a very fast paced world where many demands are placed on us each day and with this we are in constant interaction with husbands, wives, children, friends, family, co-workers, etc. Our level and style of communication varies throughout the day depending on who is around us.
When I returned to work after sustaining a traumatic brain injury (TBI) I had yet to come to terms with just how significant of an impact this injury would have on the rest of my life. I remember the week I returned to work quite well. I was met with open arms and still smile today when I remember walking into a large meeting room to find everyone sitting around the table with a large cake to welcome me back.
Soon after, life returned to normal in the large oil and gas firm I was employed in, with demanding workloads and looming deadlines. People stopped asking about my accident as everyone, including myself, was just focused on getting through another day.
As I worked away, it soon became very clear to me that I was cognitively struggling with some areas of my work, areas that had been quite easy for me prior to my accident.
To protect myself, and stay invisible, I erected a wall around myself.
Having an invisible disability enabled this. No one had any idea what was going on inside of my head as I tried to understand and process information for my job and I was determined to make sure it stayed that way.
How many people in life have built up similar walls as a form of self-protection? Fearing the worse of what others may think if they were to ever see the “real” me? These fears are based on concerns one may have on how others may judge or perceive them if people were to know certain things about them such as the fact that they are a recovering addict, or have been a victim of domestic violence, or were a high school drop out or had been raised in a less than ideal home environment.
People living behind walls often rationalize the reasoning behind it to validate the energy it takes to keep the wall erected. I know this was certainly the case for me.
I had a huge fear of being judged and stigmatized for having a traumatic brain injury.
I learned how to make excuses whenever I felt I’d slipped up and perhaps given a sign away that I was not “right”, becoming a master at covering up my tracks so to speak. It became part of my natural behavior and it was not something that I even needed to consciously think of doing as time passed. People who knew about my accident had moved on with their own lives, no one talked about it anymore and deep down I was pleased about this. As I made new relationships I made no reference to my accident and even when I felt a level of trust had been established I would touch lightly on it. The words brain injury were never part of it though.
I have never stopped working on healing from my accident and over the last few years many things have come into stronger focus. I began realizing just how high of a cost I had been paying for wearing a mask in both my personal and professional life. While being invisible inside had once kept me from being hurt, I could now see staying stuck in that mode would keep me from living life. It started to weigh on my mind heavily that no one really knew the real me. I had traded in authenticity for a security blanket. It became time to get real, with both others, and myself and allow life to come through.
It was a slow process, as the emotional patterns were deeply ingrained, yet it’s been one that has been freeing on so many different levels.
The most interesting part is that that none of the fears and deep held beliefs I’d had about being rejected or judged should I ever drop the mask came true. None. I had come to terms with my injury and fully accepted myself for who I was. Why had I not thought to give others the chance to do the same?
Authenticity is all about experiencing the truth.
While it may not be the way we like to see ourselves, finding the courage to be authentic and vulnerable has set me free in a way I never could have imaged. I am who I am and it feels liberating to know that the wall has come down!
Image Source: http://www.smoothjazznetwork.com/
Mike Robbins speaks to the Power of Authenticity with great humor in Tedx, sharing examples of how this has played out in his life as well as in others. When we show this side of ourselves to others we are sending a powerful message that we should all live a life where we are true to ourselves. This video clip is 20 minutes and I would encourage you to make the time to watch it. I don’t think you will be disappointed.
After you’ve viewed it feel free to drop me a note. I’d love to hear how you would complete the sentence “if you really knew me you would know…”
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