How to get the emotional support you need, when you need it

As I work on completing my memoir, where I share how I was able to create a life I love after I sustained a traumatic brain injury, many people have approached me with suggestions on what they would most like to know about my journey in how I got to where I am today.

One question I’ve been frequently asked is just how was I able to have those around me fully understand all that I was going through internally, so everyone could best support me emotionally?

Sometimes getting the level of emotional support you need, when you need it, can be a challenge.

My response to their question is simple, I couldn’t. To get others around me to fully understand all that I was going through, I needed to be open to fully sharing my story and be vulnerable. I was not ready to do this.

Some time ago I wrote a blog about the benefits to sharing your own story, highlighting how there are so many more than one might think. I know for some of us, being open when it comes to sharing our story can come quite easily, while for others, it can take a long time. I know for myself, it took many years before I felt comfortable in sharing with anyone that I have a brain injury. Having an invisible disability, I felt I was at a higher risk for not being taken seriously so my choice instead was to simply shut down when asked.

I completely understand how everyone’s healing and rehabilitation experience, regardless if it’s from a traumatic brain injury or not, is a very personal and unique experience and I don’t fault anyone for deciding when or if they will ever be ready to share what they are gong through.

Sometimes it may never feel like there is a right time.

What worked and really helped me in getting to the stage where I felt more comfortable was turning my need to be understood and heard inward. What was the message I was saying to myself? When my emotions were getting the best of me in a negative way, I had to learn to stop in my tracks and really ask myself where was this truly coming from? Was I showing the same level of compassion to myself that I would show to others, regardless if I was fully aware of their situation or the circumstances in their life? My answer to this was “no” and I knew this needed to change.

To get more comfortable with my story, I needed to have a deep conversation with the one person who is in the position to truly understand. One who is non-judgmental and who has unconditional love for me. That would be ME!

The more work I did on myself, the better able I was to see the real me.

My injury doesn’t define me. It is a part of me.

I began seeing all the great traits in my character that make me who I am and also saw the parts where I maybe struggle a bit more in life. By being fully present with this, I became better able to accept myself for who I really am. Through this acceptance, I became more comfortable in sharing my story with others, and I haven’t looked back since.

I often wonder if I had come to this realization sooner would my healing journey have been a bit smoother? That, I will never know. What I do know though is that I further heal each and every time I share my story. This makes it much easier for those around me to be able to offer support when I am going through a rough patch.

That, to me, is what has been the most freeing part of sharing my story.

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