Did you know each November has been designated as National Family Caregivers month in Canada and the United States? Family caregivers can play an essential role in providing help and support for a loved one who may be battling a serious mental or physical illness, chronic disease, disorder or severe injury. If you are currently in this role, or have been in in the past, then you are well aware of the challenges that can come along with this.
If you have never been a family caregiver it’s quite likely that at some point in your life you will be.
Examples of when you could be called into action as a family caregiver could be when a loved one has cancer, ALS, Parkinson’s disease, dementia or has suffered a stroke, heart attack or sustained a traumatic brain or spinal cord injury. As the population in Canada and the United States continues to age, the role of family caregivers will take on an even greater meaning over the next few decades.
The national trends on the aging population are bleak with a recent Canadian study indicating that by 2041, seniors (age 65+) are expected to comprise close to one quarter (24.1%) of the population. This compares to 14.8% today. The numbers are similar in the United States where the US Census Bureau predicts that by 2050, one in five Americans may be elderly (65+ age).
The span of your role as a caregiver may last anywhere from days to years, depending on the needs of the loved one, and the challenges you can face can have both a psychological and physical impact to your health. These challenges may include:
Stress
You will likely have an increased need to be flexible and adjust to sudden changes or situations that may arise with the family member or loved one. This may include having to make unexpected trips to the emergency room due to falls or accidents or dealing with behavioral problems that may mean an individual is not taking prescribed medications on a regular basis. Stress can bring on many less than desirable consequences such as weight gain, inability to sleep, fatigue, difficulty in concentrating and a depressed immune system just to name a few.
Decreased time for personal care
Having to be in a responsive stance may mean that you find it challenging to have personal time carved out in each day. After working all day and then assuming the role of a caregiver, you may find that you simply don’t have the time to do the things you’d like to do in the day. This can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Depending on your personal circumstances, being a caretaker may have a financial impact if you find yourself needing to cut down hours on your job or leave your employment all together.
Exhaustion
In trying to strike a balance between your own life and looking after a loved one, you may find yourself in a state of exhaustion. A typical day in your life may include getting the children ready for school, putting in a day at the office, visiting your loved one, returning home and making dinner and spending time in the evening making phone calls or researching information online that may be helpful. This leaves very little time, if any, for self-care.
Resources
One of the biggest challenges that you may face as a caregiver is not knowing where you can go for support. This could include being aware of agencies that exist in the local community that can provide you with advice on services that are readily available for your loved one or information on what support there is for you as a caregiver. There may simply not be enough hours in the day for you to go online and research to see what help may be available.
In my volunteer work with brain injury survivors, I have seen first hand the struggles that family members find themselves in when they become caregivers. A brain injury affects every member of the family given the adjustments that may need to be made for a short or in some cases a longer period of time.
Many caregivers have been open in sharing some of their frustrations with me and it’s quite easy to see there is no one size fits all model on how to be a caregiver. In my conversations, certain themes continue to emerge on what would make or would have made a difference in their lives. I feel these are universal and apply to all family caregivers not just those who are dealing with a loved one who has sustained a head injury.
I’ve broken them down into two categories below offering tips if you are a caregiver or what you can do to support someone you know who is one.
If you are a family caregiver….
1) Seek out a support group where you can be in close contact with others who are going through a similar situation. There may be days where you feel you are the only one going through this when the reality is quite different. On my website I provide six links for caregiver support websites.
2) Learn what coping strategies will work best for you at this time. What works for one person may not work for another so take the time to explore what would best help you in the moment. These might include keeping a regular schedule for yourself, getting regular exercise (i.e. start each day with a brisk 30 minute walk), participating in support groups, maintaining a sense of humor or changing roles and responsibilities within the family.
3) Organize a weekly lunch or coffee support group for others you know who are also in a caregiving situation. This gives you a welcome break from the day to day routine, where you can form a bond with other people who are going through what you are, sharing ideas on what resources are available. This can be a very effective morale boost.
4) Find a way to reward yourself, even if it’s something as small as enjoying a movie at the end of every week, blocking 1 hour to read the novel that you enjoy or having a regular scheduled evening where you dial in dinner from your favourite restaurant. We all like having something to look forward to and this may help you to get through the day.
If you are not a caregiver but know of someone who is, there are many things you can do to support this person such as:
1) Drop in for the occasional visit or do something nice for them such as leaving a bouquet of flowers or small gift of something you know they will enjoy on their doorstep. These are all ways you can let them know you are thinking of them. Caregivers often become a bit lonely as they find themselves focusing on the needs of another rather than their own.
2) Offer to help them out with yard maintenance work such as mowing the lawn, raking up leaves or shoveling the snow or even weeding their flowerbeds. This can free of their time so they can focus on a self-care activity.
3) Establish a regular phone support ritual, even if it’s just once a month. Learn what you can about the health of their loved one so you may be a sounding board in the call. Depending on what has transpired in the days leading up to your call, you may find yourself laughing together or crying together. Be the support system you would want to have.
4) Continue to invite them out to events and don’t forget anniversaries and birthdays. While the person may not be able to accept all invitations, the fact that you took the time to invite them will stand out in their mind that they haven’t been forgotten.
5) Share resources that you are aware of that might be of use to the individual. It’s comforting to know that others have your best interest at heart and are looking out for you.
One person caring about another represents life’s greatest value. - Jim Rohn
Caregiving for a loved one is one the most touching things you can do. While there may be many challenges or struggles you may face, in the end, it’s the rewards that you can take with you for the rest of your life that matter the most.
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